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When building a family, queer folks are usually inviting at least one variable into the making of their child. If you are hoping to carry, but don't have access to sperm, you'll need a sperm donor. If you are just starting out on your conception journey, start here, and if you want an introduction to all the variables when considering a donor, this is the place for you.
Sperm Bank History
Though doctors may have been discreetly using artificial insemination to treat infertility prior, 1954 was the first year that the process was officially documented and published. Outlawed, a queer cowboy book, has a story line that includes a midwife hiring a man known to be fertile to help a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant by her husband. Makes you wonder how long we have been using assisted reproductive technology as humans...
The first clinic for sperm freezing was established in 1964, and commercial banks started opening in the 1970s. When donor conception really started to take off in the 1980s, common medical advice was to keep as much information from children as possible: in straight relationships, couples were advised not to tell their children that they were donor conceived ever. We know now that keeping that information from children was incredibly harmful.
Setting Your Priorities
Sit down and write down all the things that are important to you in a donor. Then, begin to sort each of these into deal breakers and nice-to-haves. Do this BEFORE you choose a bank or start looking at donors. Maybe you want to be pregnant very soon, in which case you want access to viable and ready-to-use sperm. Or maybe the most important thing for your family is that your donor share ethnicity with you or a non-gestational parent. It is important to know what you want and to stay flexible throughout this process.
Sperm Bank Protocols
All sperm bank donors are considered anonymous because they are strangers to you. Because they hold that "anonymous" status, there are FDA regulations regarding infectious disease testing and a quarantine period. A specimen is not released until a donor has tested negative repeatedly over months. Interestingly, most STIs and communicable diseases show up in the first month of quarantine. Anything after that is incredibly rare. Banks will do a semen analysis, and every bank has different standards. You'll need to research and ask about what your chosen banks standards are.
Searching the Donor Database
Once you narrow down your search to a few banks, you'll want to start looking at donors. Some banks allow you to look through a limited profile for free and ConnectingRainbows has codes for a few banks to get 3 months free. You will be able to sort based on race/enthicity, eye color, hair color, height, and weight.
You will also be able to search CMV status, which is a virus that many people have had called Cytomegalovirus. You literally will never need to care if you are positive or negative again in your life. CMV manifests as a cold so there's a chance you had it and didn't even know. If you are negative for CMV, you may want to choose a donor who is also CMV negative so as not to expose yourself to it. Then again, straight people don't check CMV status before they have sex. I have worked with clients who were disheartened to find very few options who were CMV negative.
You can also filter by genetic carrier, meaning you donor carriers the gene for a specific condition. Important: if you are going to get genetic testing, use the same test that your donor has had so that it's easier to compare your genetics to theirs. Sperm banks will be happy to charge you for genetic counseling if you are overwhelmed (and it should cost about $50-100).
Some couples just filter out blood type and then go on vibes. Other people make whole slideshows and get family involved in the process. You decide what feels best to you.
Types of Donors
Although all banked sperm is considered anonymous, there are different levels of contact that the donor has agreed to and it varies by bank. Let's look at each type.
Anonymous: the donor is completely anonymous and no contact information is provided, even when the child turns 18. Because of commercial DNA testing, like 23andMe, this is becoming less and less likely. Also, other countries have begun to ban this completely.
ID Disclosure: the donor has agreed to be contacted when the child turns 18, but there is no guarantee that they will respond. This is a "wait and see" approach.
Open ID: The donor has agreed to be contacted when the child turns 18 AND has agreed that they will engage in at least one interaction with the child.
Some banks charge more for a more open donor, knowing that many are looking for a donor who is willing to be contacted. Others are moving to a one-type only intake. For example, Seattle Cryobank has only Open ID donors, but the banks who are doing this are still using the old/anonymous sperm, too.
Prices per Vial & How Many to Buy
These prices do not include shipping or storage. My intent here is just to give you a sense of base cost as you begin your search. I am only showing prices for banks that are rated medium/good by the U.S. Donor Conceived Council.
Seattle Sperm Bank: $1195
The Sperm Bank of California: $2300
Fairfax Cryobank: $1000-1800
Xytex Sperm Bank: $950-1650
California Cryobank: $1195-2195
You will want to buy about 4 vials per live birth, so if you are planning to have two children you will need to purchase 8 vials. Some sperm banks recommend 3 vials per pregnancy. Each vial will contain anywhere from 1-10 million sperm. If you are planning to skip IVI (intra vaginal insemination aka good 'ole turkey basting) or IUI (intrauterine insemination; uses a catheter to bypass the vagina) and go straight to IVF, you will only need one single vial ever.
When to Buy
If you find a donor that meets your requirements and is available, buy that sperm! Donors regularly sell out and there is currently a bit of a sperm shortage. You'll be able to buy the sperm without signing anything or jumping through any hoops, but know that you will not be able to get the specimen released until you do all the paperwork. Unsurprisingly, they make it very easy for you to buy sperm but not necessarily to acquire it.
Storage & Shipping
After your sperm is purchased, you need to take care of it. You'll need to pay for storage, though some banks will offer you some months for free depending on how many vials you buy. Shipping is another cost you'll need to prepare for (those freezer canisters are not light!). Depending on how you are planning to inseminate, you might have the sperm sent to a fertility clinic or to your house. Like with anything that is being shipped, you need to account for weather and/or holiday delays.
Insemination
I have heard so many different stories about how people have gone through insemination. You can do it at home with a specialized Mosie device or any medical-grade syringe. You can have a midwife come to your house or go into a clinic for an IUI. I have read about people doing IUI on their own but there are some serious risks so you need to seriously do your homework and probably also have medical training. Then, of course, there is always IVF where they inseminate the egg for you and grow it into an embryo before implanting it in your uterus.
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