What does a doula DO-la?

I mentioned that I was feeling sore after a birth to my father-in-law and he looked confused.

"How are you sore?! Aren't you a liaison at the birth? What are you doing that requires your arms?"

Many people really don't understand what a doula does at a birth, even people who know me! A lot of what a doula offers is intangible: expertise, a calm presence, witnessing you, and making sure that you are heard. Even though some of my work is ineffable, generally, the support that doulas offer falls into three categories: emotional, physical, and educational.

Emotional

Doulas provide emotional support by getting to know you, your family, and your personal wants and needs. Client relationships are my favorite parts of this work. I offer coaching and support as you navigate the unknown. I'm a space-holder and a guide. I know if needles make you woozy and how long your partner can go before feeling hangry. I've snuggled your pets and admired your nursery. I want to see you.I also love asking juicy questions that are designed to make you deeply reflect on the birth process and the transition to parenting.

During birth, I might just sit near you and breathe in time with you. I might notice tension in your body and ask about it. I make no assumptions about how you are feeling. Sometimes, as things get really intense, I make eye contact with a partner and smile to reassure them that what is happening is normal, and that they will meet their baby soon.

home birth, hip squeeze

Physical

If you have heard of a doula, you've likely heard of the hip squeeze: a move that opens room in the pelvis and provides some relief. We offer lots of different physical touch, from counterpressure to light massage. I feel privileged to teach Comfort & Coping at Burr Ridge Birth Center for the past several years for many reasons, but one is that I have hip-squeezed more pregnant people than I can count. Now, I have a felt sense of people's bones and muscles: what is tight, where to touch, how to find that exact right spot.

Also, I carry tools like a TENS machine, heat packs, essential oils, and more. Is my backpack filled with every possible tool to help you feel safe and comfortable? Yes. Are my most used tools my hands and my brains? Also, yes. But it's good to have puke bags handy just in case.

Educational

Birth is infinite and even after years of learning, there's always more to learn. Just when I start to think I have something figured out, a birth comes along and hands me my ass. Then I go home and study some more. I'm a birth nerd, plain and simple. I study all things birth so that you don't have to!

Sometimes, the education happens in prenatals and sometimes it happens at your birth. In the birth room, when something unexpected happens, I like to ask if we have time to talk about a possible intervention before it happens. It hits the "pause" button and gives you a moment to breathe, take it all in, and form your questions.

More examples of educational work:

• I share evidence based resources, including curated books, podcasts, articles

• I check in after appointments to see if clients would like something contextualized or explained in a different way

• I teach Birthing From Within childbirth ed classes and Comfort & Coping

Additional Support

I can't really talk about birth without talking about nervous systems. Giving birth is a full body experience. Evolutionarily, it makes sense that humans cannot and will not continue in labor if they do not feel safe. Our nervous systems will inevitably sync up and that gives me the chance to help you down-regulate.

As a doula, I work hard to make sure that my own nervous system is regulated as fuck. I take my own somatic work incredibly seriously. I have pre- and post-birth rituals. I go to solo therapy and couples therapy. I practice yoga. I see an acupuncturist at least once a month (and more after a difficult birth). What does that mean? When I walk into your birth, you do not need to worry about me. I am coming in settled. Fed and rested. I can be a calming presence to you, to your partner, AND to the medical team. I am known for taking deep, audible breaths during births as a small way to regulate myself and those around me.

Other ways I would describe my work:

• I'm the vibes guy

• I'm the walking google

• Hard things don't scare me

• I say "this is normal" A LOT

• I hold down the sacred space and think a lot about energy

• I'm a pelvic anatomy nerd and I talk people into the positions that help baby come down and rotate

• I get so excited when people talk about their butt holes

A Note on Advocacy

Are doulas medical advocates? You would likely get a different answer from every doula you asked. Some training organizations explicitly teach their doulas to never interact with medical staff, that they are not allowed to advocate for their client. Others teach the exact opposite: that you must go in blazing hot and ready to burn the entire system to the ground.

I generally find myself somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. I believe that doulas can help to slow down the room and bring a sense of humanity back in. I make it a point to chat with your nurse because I know you'll get better care if everyone feels relaxed and comfortable in your room. Even the really grumpy ones come around to me eventually. Every once in a while, I witness a provider ignore my client. In those moments, I do amplify their concerns. I do sometimes witness unavoidable trauma. When the big scary moments happen, I hold hands and breathe. Later, I help clients process and find resources.

FAQs

Do you catch babies?

Nope. I am not a medical professional. Unlike providers, I am often with people from the beginning of labor until the end. Although a sturdy 8 year old can catch a baby, it is not my role. And I definitely don't take vitals or give medications.

Could my mom be my doula?

Would you support my unassisted birth? (aka "free birth")

Recently, I was tucked into the corner of a birth room making myself small while the new family got to know their baby. Right after the baby emerged, the partner had sobbed into my arms in relief. Now, they were holding their child. The partner looked at me and said, "Now what? I still feel like I have no idea what you do!"

Sometimes clients can't articulate what I've done even after a birth, and they just tell me that they couldn't have done it without me. As long as you feel safe, seen, and satisfied with your birth, idgaf if you can define "doula."

Gotta stay silly after overnight labor support